DownSyn Forum

greatlakesmom

I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions regarding my situation. Both my mother & father are at a point in their lives where they need care. My mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's 2 weeks after my first child was born 13 years ago. She is in a memory care unit at an assisted living facility. Up until four weeks ago, I shared the responsibility with my father of helping to coordinate her care. When things arise, I get the call to assist, which can be in the middle of the night sometimes.

Four weeks ago, my father was in an accident, was hospitalized, later moved to a rehab facility & just yesterday was released. We drove him home, which is a half hour from where my family lives. He initially refused home health care, convinced that between myself, his friends & the senior shuttle he needed no more assistance.

The problem is he's on many different meds & he isn't allowed to drive until he revisits his doctor on Aug. 3. Even then, it's a possibility he may not be able to resume driving. Up until the accident, he worked full-time. My mother is 81 & father is 77.

The problem is that I don't know how I can continue to help in the capacity he seems to need. The daycare where our daughter goes for 2 days during the summer has been willing to take her for extra days, because of the crisis of the accident. It occurred in another state & I was traveling back and forth to help. It is expensive & frankly I don't want to continue sending her that many days.

I'm not sure if anyone has any experience, caring for both their child with DS, other children & elderly parents needing assistance, at the same time. I have one sibling who lives many states away, so it's just me. I'm feeling like I'm being pulled apart. Appreciate your suggestions.

Catty · Posted: July 11 2012, 7:05 AM Post subject:

Sorry to hear that you are going through this. It is very difficult to take care of aging parents especially when they become very stubborn about what they want and do not want. I would have suggested homecare but i see he is refusing that.Can he move closer to you? Is there a friend or relative closer to him that is willing to help out? Sometimes i think even though they refuse certain things we have to do what is best.

Annieo · Posted: July 11 2012, 7:17 AM Post subject:

My MIL was in a wheel chair most of her life and ended up living with us for the last 8 years of her life. She was living with us when John was born (and 2 of his siblings) and while John was on chemo. We tried to help her be as independent as possible and provide the daily assistance she needed, which we could do because she was here in the house with us.

I'm not recommending you bring your parents to live WITH you, but I do agree it would be much easier on you if they lived closer to you. Is that a possibility? Would they agree to it? Does your father understand how difficult it is for you to provide the assistance he/they need? Are there any community resources that could be utilized to do the regular checking in, etc. he needs?

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Ann, married to Tim, mom to Sally, Mark, Jane, John (12/02, DS), Paul, and Alice
www.caringbridge.org/visit/johnbremer

mary c · Posted: July 11 2012, 7:20 AM Post subject:

We went through something similar with my mother and aunt. I am wondering if you could get some help locally to free you up. Does his church have volunteers that will check on someone? Is there Meals on Wheels that would bring him meals and see him every day? Does the local town have a daily call to people who are homebound? We used these types of help for a while with my mother until they were no longer sufficient. I also set up an account with a local taxi company which I prepaid so she could get around when she was no longer able to drive so I could make sure she could get to doctor's appointments, and church. Luckily my siblings were available and one of my brothers took her grocery shopping once a week, unpacked her groceries and opened all the jars as my mom didn't have the hand strength to do it for herself. We also got Lifeline so if she fell she could get help easily (although she refused to activate it most of the times she should have).

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Mary
Mom to Libby 6/92, Alex 9/93, Anna (DS)12/12/03

Please support the Down Syndrome Research and Treatment Foundation http://i139.photobucket.com/albums/q284/maryc_010/a13-1.jpg[/img]

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Tigger · Posted: July 12 2012, 1:24 AM Post subject:

I was thinking the same thing, maybe he can move closer to you?? I understand he probably has friends locally but if he is going to need extra care from you he needs to consider your situation as well as his own. It is a tough situation Sad

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Karyn
Mum to Nikki (Jul 89), Stefanie (Sep 96), Joel [June 98] and Talitha (DS) (Nov 05) AVSD/PDA repaired 23 March 06

"I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well." Psalm 139:14

greatlakesmom · Posted: July 13 2012, 6:54 AM Post subject:

Thank you all for your suggestions. Up until the accident, he worked as a professor & arbitrator. He really is expecting to resume his life once he gets the ok from the doctor. Hopefully, he will get an ok. Even so, he’ll need to consider scaling down on work. Because of his working, I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t consider moving. However, good news – he did agree to have a home health nurse visit to help with his meds. That’s been a huge relief to me. He also agreed to get a LifeAlert bracelet. Appreciate the suggestion.

He’s also started contacting some of his friends that live in his neighborhood & he does live near (four houses from) his church. So, for the moment things are settling down. I’m still not sure what will happen if he doesn’t get the go ahead to resume his lifestyle (working.)

I do appreciate all of your thoughts & suggestions. It’s crazy to be in this situation, it seems. Hoping & thinking that he’ll be reasonable, if he’s not allowed to resume life as he knew it.

I know I need get enough rest in order to function for myself & to be of help to anyone else. In the chaos, that was lacking. Trying to make that a priority, too.

Thanks, again.

LinMac · Posted: July 13 2012, 8:26 AM Post subject:

I can identify with your post so much.
Pease take care of yourself.

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Linda & John
mom to Hannah Kate (Age 14 ), Robert (Aged 8 - DS)

First day at school

greatlakesmom · Posted: July 15 2012, 6:07 AM Post subject:

Thank you, Linda.