Talitha is booked into a child care centre/preschool for 3 hours on a Monday morning. This morning, just like the other 8 or so we have been there, she happily plays with the kids while I am still in the room but has a meltdown as soon as I leave which continues until a) I come back or b) she falls asleep with exhaustion from crying.

The reasons I decided to try putting her in day care for a few hours were that she would get some social time with kids her own age, it would give her someone different to relate to other than me, she has the opportunity to do things we don't have at home, it will be good preparation for preschool and maybe I could do something for myself other than spending time on downsyn which is the only me type thing I do.

Listening to her screaming herself practically unconscious today I really feel like giving up. I know the theory of taking her there is sound, it's just the practical side which leaves her traumatised and me wrecked. I would really value your opinions on this because if I give up now I am just as likely to have to deal with the same issues next year when she starts preschool. Is it better to deal with this separation thing when she is littler or when she is bigger? I think she understands that I will come back, she just doesn't like me going at all.

_________________
Karyn
Mum to Nikki (Jul 89), Stefanie (Sep 96), Joel [June 98] and Talitha (DS) (Nov 05) AVSD/PDA repaired 23 March 06

"I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well." Psalm 139:14

For us, daycare was a must when I went back to work...we had no choice. However, it was hard at first, but he quickly got into the routine since he was there all day Mon-Fri.

I wonder if once per week for 3 hours might not be enough. She might adjust if she had a routine where she went 2 or 3 times a week and was able to remember the experience from week to week.

In our experience, Daniel has just flourished since he started attending daycare/school. His signs, words and overall personality have really opened up.

It's so hard to see them cry....however, it might be the best thing for her once she adjusts. I'll bet she'll love making friends in no time. Best of luck, and give her a kiss from Daniel

_________________

Elayna 10-1-02 and Daniel (Ds) 6-7-05
Always have hope....Without rain, there can be no rainbows.

Stick with it!!

I know it's heartbreaking but she will adjust. It might take longer at only one day a week but it will be worth it in the end. It broke my heart to leave Becca when we started at age 2 but her crying got less and less every time. The teacher even told on her that after a few weeks she only cried 'til I left and cried again when I came back.

Hang in there.....that "me" time is awesome once you're not worried about her.

_________________
Marge
mom to Michelle 4/7/98
and Rebecca 9/30/03 (DS)

Karyn,
Talitha is still young. I wouldn't send her anymore if I were you. You can always deal with the separation when she's a little older and then she won't have to go through the trauma now. Who knows, she might handle it better when she's a little bit older anyway.
I know it's tempting to have time to yourself, but she's only little once. There will be plenty of time in the future for her to be around other kiddos.
~Lisa

_________________
Lisa


Michael (5), Myia (2), Katie (5), Alex (5)
For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
Psalm 139:13 & 14

www.ourpathlesstraveled.blogspot.com

Daycare has been so good for Carson. I know he is way further along than he would be without it. For us it is not an option to not do daycare so I don't know what I would do if Carson cried all the time. He loves it! Hopefully Talitha will come around and decide she likes it. I would give it a little more time before I took her out. The benefit of Carson being around typical kids all day long is huge.

Kayla

_________________
,
,


Callan 7, Kenna 5, Carson 2
http://www.firstgiving.com/carsonglascock

I am on the wait side of the spectrum. I have been through this with a few of my kids who just weren't ready. We didn't do preschool but things like church nursery. I waited till they were ready. I didn't get much time for myself, never do, but in time they were ready and able to seperate without tears. I do not allow my children to cry at all but I know that is kind of unheard of. I am just not up to listening to it so I will carry them and cajole them rather than listen to it. I have them all trained not to cry at a very early age but then of course they absolutely must have me every time any little thing goes wrong. They do outgrow it around three.

You could try a few times a week for a shorter time or stay with her a few weeks until she shows you she is ready.

The other thing to consider is that for kids who have had medical issues they are very smart not to trust other adults because they have had trauma during seperation in the past.

I would just give her another few months at home and try again. You could always do a playgroup with other moms and kids her age.

She is learning a lot from being with you and going on errands as well.

_________________
Mom of eight here on earth and four more in heaven.

Day care has been great for Charlie. He has learned so much through his interaction with other children. But, I will say that for me, if Charlie had such a hard time with it (as it is, he could care less if I am there or not) I would probably not take him if it was not necessary. That's just me. I'm a tender heart, and I guess I would just take it as he not being ready.

Is there an alternative? Like, could you organize a play group with other families in your church or town? You could plan different activities, and it is nice to get together with other moms. Anyway, good luck with your decision. It is just so hard to hear them upset, isn't it.
--K

_________________
Kim. Wife to Ray, Mommy to Charlie (DS) 1/2006 & Calvin 3/2008
http://charlies47.blogspot.com/

There is more than one way to have a good life!

Could you stay with her till she settles in. Maybe give it a month or so?
Getting closer to the month you could leave her for longer periods each day?

Robert went to preschool two hours per day in September and we had to stay with him for about a month till he felt totally safe there. He is fine now!

That said he was three and a half going to preschool. Before that he had big issues with seperation.....even getting down to play with kids was a problem for Robert! I just knew leaving him wasn't an option before he went to pre-school.

Your an experienced mother Karyn.....trust YOUR gut on this one!

Lets know what you decide to do.

_________________
Linda & John
mom to Hannah Kate (Age 10 ), Robert (Aged 5 - DS)


First day at school

It's a tough decision to make, as there a pros and cons either way. In my opinion:

1) It stands very true that a child who has gone through different separation (ex: sedated echo...) that can lead to trauma are extremely aware of their surroundings and if Mom/Dad are around.

2) Going once a week without you there just won't do it. It won't help her out. If you want to stick with the once-a-week thingy, then STAY with her in the beginning. Stay an hour WITH her, and then take her home. The coming week Stay with her also an hour, but step out after the hour, if she is upset, take her home with you. You can also show her that you come and go from the room at 5 to 10 minute intervals. She will learn to trust you that when you leave, you come right back, and then eventually when you leave you come back a little later.

3) She might not be ready yet to be separated from you, and in 1/2 a year time she might be more ready. It is not unheard of that a child starting school might just cry and cry and cry. They are not ready yet. If you bring back this same child a year later, they will probably be more ready.

G'luck!

_________________
_________________
~Debby~

I must say I'm on the keep her home a bit longer side. All of my kids went to pre-school the year before kindergarten (they were 4) but stayed home 'til then. M might have been ready sooner but I'm so glad I didn't work 'cause the boys were not ready. Of course, you know Talitha best and will know what to do.

_________________
Julie - wife to Allan (5-90),mom to Andrew (6-93), Madelyn (3-96), Tyler (11-98 ), & Jackson (ds 10-27-06)

-1.jpg

I'm one of the ones that think daycare is a great thing for social development. Payton has been in daycare since 3 months. She still has her days when she simply doesn't want to be dropped off, but she is clingy like that in general. She is very much about a routine. DH usually drops off in the morning, but if I drop off she has a melt down. No melt downs when DH drops off. I feel like Payton knows so much more from being in the daycare situation.

I feel like probably 3 hours isn't enough for her. It isn't routine enough for her to understand that this is how things are. If you can't do more than that, then maybe pull her and just try to do more play groups or something where she gets the interaction. Although the structure of a daycare classroom would be so good for her.

I don't necessarily agree that she will be okay with you leaving her once she gets older. There are a lot of 3 or 4 or 5 year olds who have meltdowns when they are enrolled in preschool or kindergarten after having spent their whole lives home with mom.

Anyway....good luck with your decision, I know it is a tough one!

_________________
Bethany, Mommy to Mason (5), Payton (4, DS) and Addison (3, DS)



Family blog:
http://thebalsisfamily.blogspot.com/

Adoption blog:
http://dreamingonanangel.blogspot.com/

Karyn,

I also think that 2 is very little to be left. Perhaps you could find a local playgroup for this year to give Talitha the opportunity to mix with other little kids. It won't be time out for you, but at least it is adult company for you for the morning and kids and activities for T. The one day a week bit is hard on kids too- mine even at 4 did not go well one day a week at pre-school but did much better with 2 days a week.

Ah, so many opinions either way!!

_________________

Mum to Brendan 14, Chiara 13, Kiernan 12, Aidan 10, Lachlan 8, Gianna 6 (DS) and Sienna 4
"This then is what Yahweh asks of you: to act justly, to love tenderly and to walk humbly with your God."

Karyn,

I think it would be different if you needed her to go to day care so that you could work or if it was time for her to get ready for kindergarten. Then of course you would stay at this until she became accustomed to it. But because this is all voluntary, I think Talitha is too young to have to stay there unless it is necessary. Does this make any sense? It's awfully late!

Good Luck!

Ibby