Beth Thinking

This morning,my dad got me up early to watch my favorite movie of all time:The Nightmare Before Christmas. So,while I’m sitting in bed watching it,my dad walks in and announces that I have strep throat. I didn’t really think about it until my mom came in later and said that I made dad very happy by getting strep. When I asked why,she responded with ‘he’s happy we don’t have to go see our family on Christmas Day’. I know what you’re saying:’oh,but isn’t it nice that you get to go see your family?’ Yes it is nice to go see your family…unless it’s OUR family. You see,our family isn’t exactly what we call ‘close’. In fact, one time when we went to a family reunion,I asked my parents who this guy was who sitting in a chair in my grandmother’s living room. It turned out to be my cousin. Anyways,we would’ve had to go see mom’s brother and afterwards,we would’ve had to go see dad’s sister. And trust me,my dad wouldn’t have been able to handle that. Althought we are friends with dad’s sister,we really aren’t with mom’s brother. We actually used to get along with him until his wife kept us from seeing their family. Hopefully,she isn’t reading this right now. And if she is…hi Aunt Kathleen!

Happy Holidays!

P.S. I’m sure many of you have heard about my grandfather in the hospital. Well,I have some very good news! It’s suspected he’s going to be released tomorrow! Hopefully,he will and we’ll be able to have our whole family home for Christmas Day.

Dad and I have come up with a ‘great’ compilation of songs that you should listen to…if you want to hear the worst songs ever written. So here is our top ten worst songs ever written.

10. The Candy Man by Sammy Davis Jr.

One of the most annoying songs you will ever hear. Not as bad as most songs, but still pretty awful. With lyrics like ‘who can take a rainbow, mix it with a smile’ makes me just want to hurl.

9. Alice by The Sisters of Mercy

One day, while watching The Alternative on VH1 Classic, the untalented Sisters of Mercy came on. They were loud, unmusical, and you couldn’t understand a word they were saying.

8. Nearly Lost You by The Screaming Trees

You can’t even describe how awful they are. Period, end of statement. 

7. Don’t Stop Believin’ by Journey

They belong on this list, not just for this hideously awful song, but for a whole career of hideously awful songs!Plus, they were ugly.

6. Murderous by Nitzer Ebb

You can’t even listen to this song without putting it on mute. The fact we’re even calling it a song is a compliment to this band.

5. Stars Are Blind by Paris Hilton

Even though I only listened to a thirty second clip of the song, I was rolling on the floor, covering my ears screaming about how my ears were bleeding. This just proves she has a record deal because she’s famous for being famous, not because she has any talent whatsoever.

4. The Night Chicago Died by Paper Lace

A classic song of badness. It’s so bad, we can’t even describe in words how bad it is. However, we can say Paper Lace was consistent with writing awful songs.

3. Muskrat Love by The Captain and Tennille

A horrible remake of a horrible song by America. Another group that could be on this list!

2. If by Bread

With great lyrics like’if a face could launch a thousand ships,then what am I to do?’, how could you not put it on this list?

1. The Hair Song by The Cowsills

The winner! The worst song ever written in the entire world. At least the Cowsills can say they didn’t write the lyrics. A favorite lyric of everyone ‘oh say can you see, my eyes if you can then my hair’s too short’.

Cast of Characters:

I’m sure many of you people have had crazy dreams…probably not as crazy as this one though. When I told my parents, they told me to seek psychiatric help. The dream starts off with my parents, Mikey, and I in a big, white mansion watching TV. Suddenly, Jurassic Park came on. “Oh, Mikey will love this! Let’s watch it!” Dad exclaims. The dream then switches over into the movie.

Unlike the movie where dinosaurs rampage through the cities, it’s people with characteristics like dinosaurs. They looked like people, talked they people, but were really dinosaurs. They would eat people, and the people who survived a bite, would turn into a dinosaur. So basically, they were like zombies. The dinosaurs also wore yellow like Uma Thurman in Kill Bill.

The people that weren’t dinosaurs were me, Dad, Captain Stottlemeyer, and Lt. Disher. Lt. Disher was in a wheel chair with a broken leg and all beaten up. Like in the Monk episode where he gets hit by the car. The four of us are armed with bows and arrows and are wearing red.

It starts off with me, Dad, Captain Stottlemeyer, and Lt. Disher in the police station. Everything’s very calm until the dinosaurs come and start banging on the walls and windows. The four of us grab some bows and arrows and rush to an elevator that is in the station. We rush up to the roof and climb down the fire escape to the ground. For some reason, the four of us split up in the crowd of dinosaurs. So now, I’m running around the town in the sea of dinosaurs until I stop in front of a building with a neon sign over it saying ‘Dinosaur Trainer’. I rush towards the building until my friend, Rianna, appears. Unfortunately, she is wearing yellow. I start to treat her like a dog, telling her to sit and roll over. She does whatever I say. I tell her to sit and stay, and rush into the building. In the building, is an empty room except for a desk with John Nolan, formerly of Taking Back Sunday and now Straylight Run, behind it. “Who’re you?” I asked. “I’m the dinosaurs trainer” he replies. The next thing I know, my alaram clock is ringing. I open my eyes and think ‘What did I just dream?’